Appropriate Levels of Self Disclosure Between You and Your Fiance

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Appropriate levels of self disclosure between you and your fiancé


Self disclosure means how much you reveal about yourself to others – in this case, how much you reveal about yourself to your fiancé. Self disclosure can be used as a yardstick to measure relationship development – it’s about how much you know about each other from each other’s disclosure to each other. From The Horse’s Mouth


Self disclosure often involves personal secrets or personal preferences being told to another person in the relationship. The appropriate level of self disclosure is very much subjective. It’s influenced by factors like intimacy, trust and how long the people have been in a relationship. Also taken into consideration is the person in the relationship’s likes and dislikes which makes the other person reveal or withhold a self disclosure for the sake of the relationship.


  1. Trust


For effective self disclosure, trust is must. Everyone has a past and stuff that they don’t want to tell anyone. But, if the past has potential to jeopardize your romantic relationship, then disclosing it to your fiancé is essential. Your fiancé rather hears it from you than a third party. For example, if you go out for lunch with a colleague of the opposite sex, tell your fiancé about it. Don’t plant a needless seed of suspicion by keeping mum.


  1. Intimacy


Many women don’t tell their partner that they don’t like how their partners handle them during sex. Whether it’s painful sex or not reaching orgasm, women generally prefer to keep mum and suffer and swallow it in silence. This will lead to an unfulfilling romantic and intimate relationship. If you don’t do self disclosure on your intimate preferences at your partner, no one will do it for you. Also self disclosure on reproductive health is paramount especially if you plan to have kids soon after marriage. It’s best to conduct blood tests to rule out STDs. Also, reproductive afflictions like irregular menstruation or ED should be self disclosed so that the necessary medical steps can be embarked on.


  1. Time factor in the romantic relationship


The longer you’ve been in a romantic relationship, the more self disclosure would have been done. That’s the logic isn’t it? No. I’ve seen couples years in relationship but hiding many aspects in their lives – especially abuse and medical conditions. This won’t do at all. Many people have nightmares due to post traumatic stress and medical conditions like fits and asthma. Self disclosure on these things is imperative. In cases of emergency after marriage, your fiancé won’t be off guard when the medical conditions manifest and attack.


  1. Maturity


Okay, this is pretty subjective. With age and maturity taking hold, you will be able to decide how much self disclosure is too little and how much self disclosure is too much. Also, which type of self disclosure is worth disclosing and what can be skipped can be gauged by maturity. As you mature, you’ll be able to deal with insecurities and can engage in effective self disclosure with clarity so that it won’t be misunderstood.


There’s virtually no a set standard on the appropriate levels on self disclosure. It’s completely up to you to engage in self disclosures at each other, abiding by the factors aforementioned and more which you will see as you go along the progression of your engagement into your marriage.



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